As Time Passes By

      Today marks three months since my precious baby, Brooks, left us to go to our heavenly home. Today has been very hard for me. Actually, this entire summer has been difficult. Please do not misunderstand me, I am so grateful that Brooks is in a better place. God, in His perfection, can provide and care for Brooks in a way that we never could. Brooks does not require tests, pricks or heel sticks any longer. That alone brings me incredible comfort. He never complained or jerked around as other babies do. I only wish that I could be so strong.
    It's my own selfishness that misses him. I miss his sweet delicate touch. While I would sit feeding him, he would gently touch my face and play with my hair. There is nothing so sweet as the touch of your baby. It is so innocent, pure and filled with love. Every morning he would greet me with the brightest smile! As time passes by, this memory will never leave me. I imagine that Brooks' eyes are capturing the attention of everyone he meets in heaven. As he meets them, Brooks is flashing his beaming smile and in turn they can not help but smile back at him!
    Even though I speak of my selfishness, I am not selfish enough to wish him back to this earth. As Brian's Uncle Paul said at his graveside, "Brooks has finished his work here on earth". Wow! Six and a half months old and he accomplished the task that God gave him. Some people may question that statement, but I truly believe that God has a plan for His people. Though I may not know the complete plan that Brooks had while he was here, I know he accomplished much. I never knew I could love someone so much until I meet him. My relationship with God changed in so many ways: I started talking to God constantly about everything; My faith grew to a deeper and stronger level in Christ; Brian and I grew closer in our relationship. These are just a few of the ways Brooks changed my life for the better. There are so many people that Brooks impacted with his story, his smile, his love, and his life.
   Brooks impacted my life deeply and that has not changed since his passing. I continue to have a strong faith in Christ. It may be hard for some to comprehend, but I have never been angry at God for the events that occurred.  Infact, I believe that Christ accepted Brooks and made a special place for him in Heaven. I have such faith in Christ that I put my life in His hands, He knows what is best for me and for Brooks. God knew that with His help I could deal with the loss. This is the toughest thing I have yet to face in my life. I continually pray for God's peace and just as He promised, He gives it to me daily.
    I want to thank all you that have continued to pray for our family during this time. I know that your prayers have helped to make us stronger and give us a sense of peace. We hurt at times but our great faith in Christ  helps us to make it through everyday!

   Brooks, I miss you. You are and will always be "our little miracle". You gave me joy that I can not express in words. You showed me unconditional love. You never complained and you exhibited so much strength. You were perfect. The phrase, "I love you", does not begin to describe how I feel about you. One day I will laugh, dance and sing to you once again. Until that sweet day, I will never stop missing you but I will be happy for you! I love you always, Mommy
   
  

Stories and Memories of Brooks

In early September we realized my pregnancy would not go as Brian and I had planned. I was admitted into UAB’s high-risk pregnancy facility on October 5, 2010. A few weeks later God blessed us with a sweet baby boy. He fought to breathe right away. The doctor’s kept referring to him as their rock star; I called him “my little miracle”. As the days passed by we realized that even though Brooks was a thriving little boy, he would remain in the hospital for several months. His condition had recently improved tremendously and we began preparations to bring him home.  We are completely devastated at the loss of our sweet baby boy, Brooks Kelsey Smith. He lived for 6 months and 16 days.

My favorite memory of Brooks was sitting in the room with Ashley and Brooks while Ashley sang songs in “Brooks’ voice” about the day’s events.

                      I will love you always, Aunt Mimi

My memory was coming in saying “Brooks, Nana loves you!” Then his mouth would fly open with a smile and I would give him kisses all over.

                        I Love you, Nana

I have so many wonderful thoughts of my little man! The first thought that comes to mind was when he was just a few hours old. I was talking to him and rubbing his hand. When he grasped my finger, my heart melted.

                        Love you, Aunt Karri

On April 29^th I got to stay with Brooks all day. He was in a playful mood smiling with his mouth wide open, dimpled cheeks, and big blue eyes shining. I talked to him and we played most of the day. With a tummy full and tired from playing, I placed Brooks in his bed fast asleep. I began folding and putting away his clothes and blankets. A few minutes went by, I looked up to check on Brooks. He was lying still with one blue eye peeped open. The little rascal was watching me! We called him Popeye!

                 Love- Aunt Brandi

I stayed with Brooks when he was just 6 days old. I said, “Aunt Sarah loves you”, and he opened his eyes. It was the first time I saw his blue eyes.         Love you, Aunt Sarah

My favorite memory of Brooks was our late night and early morning feeds. We would rock and talk. Brooks would always smile and try to talk back. That precious smile will be in my heart forever. Brooks, it was an honor to be your nurse/weekend mommy.

                        Love you always, Lauren

My favorite memory of Brooks was holding him in my lap, while sitting on my knee dancing to his ipod radio. He would smile and play with his hands. He will always be in my heart.  I love you Brooks!

                       Love always, your favorite Respiratory Therapist, Alisha

From the day Brooks was born he became a part of our family. Every time we visited his room we could see the beautiful bond between Brian, Ashley and baby Brooks. Brooks became and will always be part of our family with a special place in our hearts. His smile and personality was a special gift from God that captured your heart.

                       Love always, Granny and Papa (Kenny & Rhonda)

Brooks was always happy. No matter what he had to endure or how much poking and prodding, he never complained. We hope to be able to honor his memory by being able to think twice before we complain about anything trivial again.   Love, Pop and Gigi

I will cherish everyday that I spent with him. From the moment Brian and I found out that we were having a baby we started to change as individuals. We felt a love that you can’t possibly feel until you become a parent. There was no prouder father than Brian. Brooks soften his heart and Brian will never be the same. They had a very special bond. I bought a book entitled “I Love You Daddy”, I read it to him many times and Brian did also. The book is about a little bear cub trying o make his father proud. Brooks started doing the same things with Brian. When I held him we snuggled. When Brian walked into the room Brooks would immediately change.  When Brian picked him up to hold him Brooks acted like a “big boy”! He did not want Brian to snuggle and pat him the way that I did; He wanted to sit up in Daddy’s lap. He would whine a bit if Brian tried to help him and then as soon as Brian just let him sit there, he would sit up on his own and begin to play with Daddy.  Then after playing for a while they would drift off to sleep.

I have so many memories with Brooks. He was a fighter from the beginning and he never complained. He was the happiest little boy. Many of the doctors and nurses would tell me that he had such a sweet personality. On his last day as Dr. Randolph made his rounds in the morning, his comment was that Brooks was their most interactive baby. When someone spoke to him he would light up, smiling flashing his bright blue eyes and his sweet dimples.  I would spend hours during the day talking to him. He carried on a conversation with me by grunting, nodding his head and talking with his hands. He had recently learned some new tricks. He started teething which led to him finding his tongue. The day he found it, his tongue was out all day.  Brooks responded to a comment my sister Brandi made to him by sighing, rolling his eyes and turning his head away from her! 

Romans 8:28, “And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.” Brooks was and will always be the love of our life. He blessed us in a way that no one else could. He was a gift from God and I know that he is in heaven, laughing, grunting, and filling everyone up there with joy. If someone would have told me that all of these events would occur and would I do again, I would because I do not regret one day with Brooks. He has stolen my heart and changed my life for the better.                                                                  

                                                   We love you always, Mommy and Daddy

Stories and Memories of Brooks

Smiley Baby

    Brooks is really working hard everyday to recover and feel better. We thank God that he gives us peace and comfort everyday. God has made Brooks such a fighter. During the course of the week he has had lots of changes. The doctors have weened his Nitric Oxide from 20 to 5. At the beginning of the week he was on 4 liters of oxygen. Today he has been weened down to 2.5 liters of oxygen. He has been doing great.
   We set up his pack and play in his hospital room and decorated it with lots of color and his stuffed animals. He absolutely loves his tummy time!! He loves to lay on his tummy and "swim". We are so pleased that he is getting some adequate time to develop his motor skills.
   Prayers are still greatly needed. This week Brooks took a field trip to Children's Hospital for a test regarding his feeds. They closely watched him eat through an X-ray. The results showed that while swallowing some of the formula slipped down past his vocal chords. If this happens to children or adults we cough and our eyes begin to water. Brooks doesn't realize it, so the liquid just goes down the wrong way. In order to fix this, they have thickened his feeds to the consistency of honey. He loves it!!
   The doctors also wanted a consultation with an ENT to make sure that his vocal chords were not damaged due to the entubation. Oddly, the ENT was Blake Golden, a guy I went to high school with. He was very gentle with Brooks. He said that Brooks' vocal chords look good. He has no paralyzing of the vocal chords and they are moving properly. He said that they are probably just sore from the entubation.
   Another concern regards his kidneys. This week he had several diapers containing blood in his urine. The doctors strongly suspect kidney stones. They have a specialist coming to run tests next week. I am praying that God will heal his body. Brooks is such a strong and happy baby. I know as he grows he will bring glory to God.
   Thank you again for continuing to pray for my sweet baby. He is so precious and has a great outlook, especially with everything he has been through.

Little Rascal

     Last Friday Brooks had to be entubated because his carbon dioxide levels in his blood stream were too high. He spiked a fever and they were unable to stabilize Brooks without the ventilator. They ran many tests trying to see if he had an infection or a virus. Everything came back negative. On Tuesday, he gnawed on a nurse's finger. She joked saying that he bit her. The next day, a new nurse  heard about the little bite and joked around about it. Later she had to reposition his ventilator tube and he bit her finger! The little rascal is teething and that is what set him back. As the week passed Brooks showed much improvement and was taken off the ventilator on Thursday afternoon.
     He has had a great attitude all week. If you are a parent you already know what happens during the teething process: drooling, constant gnawing, fever, sinus drainage and the worst part diarrhea. His little booty was completely broken out. They had to mix a special "butt paste" for his booty.  The nurses and respiratory therapist have been so helpful. They gave me a special oxygen mask for his booty. Once a day I would cut a small hole in his diaper and oxygenate his booty. He absolutely loved it, just laying on his tummy with oxygen blowing on it to soothe his bottom.
    We are still asking for your prayers specifically for his lungs, motor development, and we found blood in his urine. He had an ultrasound on Friday night. I will meet with the doctors tomorrow to see what the plan is for the blood in his urine. Brooks is a fighter and he never really complains. I am learning so much from my son. He has so much to cry and complain about yet he does not. I am growing spiritually and emotionally everyday just from watching this sweet miracle that God has blessed me with.
    I give thanks for all of your continued prayers and for your words of encouragement. You will never know how much they have meant to us!

Thank You for the Prayers

    Brooks remains on the ventilator, but he is showing much improvement. Brian and I have been completely overwhelmed by the Holy Spirit working through so many people to take time out and pray especially for our baby!
    On Saturday the Alabama Juniors' Volleyball team took special time out of their tournament to pray for Brooks and play in honor of him too! They played hard with a 13-2 record. I received a picture of them praying for Brooks. About 30 minutes later, Brooks became very alert! I had time to play, talk, and sing to him. God is so good and he uses others to bless us!
   Today at church, many people were moved to pray for Brian, Brooks and I. Later some of the prayer warriors from church came to the hospital to pray for Brooks too.
This weekend I've been overwhelmed by fear.  After all of the hope, love and prayers from our family, church and friends; I am overwhelmed by the love and peace of the Holy Spirit.  Thank you God for sending people to give us great peace and comfort!
   Continue to pray for Brooks' lungs to heal, his pulmonary hypertension to cease, and that he will come home healthy soon. I love you God! You are my healer, the great physician, and comforter.  "Your promise revives me; it comforts me in all my troubles." Psalm 119:50

Prayers Needed!

   I have not been good at updating during the month of March. I am sorry for that.  I know so many of you have been praying faithfully everyday for our sweet baby. If you are like me, you like to know what to pray for and you like to know when some progress has been made. Brooks had a good month in March with some small ups and downs.
     Our prayer concerns are many. Today we were contacted by one of our doctors. I was teaching so I did not answer my phone. I checked it later to see that I had a missed call and a voicemail from Brooks' doctor. On the voicemail he left me his personal cell phone. Ok I was freaking out to say the least. I called immediately only to find out that Brooks had gotten worse overnight. They had to put him back on CPAP, he needed a blood transfusion, steroids, antibiotics, up on the nitric oxide and oxygen.
   Lately I've been experiencing some anxiety and high blood pressure over this whole situation. I have prayed about it,  discussed it with my physician, talked with family, and friends. I know that I will make it through this because God has promised to walk beside me. One of my good friends reminded me earlier about the power of God. She said, "Remember footprints. He will carry you through everything, and He will carry Brooks with his other hand."
    We just need your prayers in any form or fashion. We need people calling out to God daily, united with us to get our baby better. I know that God is good! I feel it, claim it, and sing it everyday. I will continue to do it because He has gotten me this far, He will not forsake me now.

Thank you for all that you have done for us! I can not express the joy and love that we have felt from family, to friends, to new friends through this situation, and through complete strangers that just love God. Thank you for being here for Brian, Brooks, and myself. We need it more than you will know.

Waiting

  Brooks is continuing to improve. He is still on pain medication but they are slowly weening him off. The pain meds are keeping him sedated most of the time. I'm hopeful that he will be completely off by the end of this weekend.  It is a much slower progress than I would like, but I know that Brooks is in God's hands.
  Brooks got some new toys this week from his grandparents. When he is awake he enjoys watching his mobile, listening to music, sitting in his vibrating seat, and doing his exercises. The nurses still think he is just wonderful, especially his bright blue eyes!
   Please keep all of us in your prayers. I am so glad that Brooks is getting better, however, I am so ready for him to come home. Driving back and forth to the hospital everyday is starting to wear me down. I hate the fact that I can't play with Brooks on the floor or snuggle with him on the couch. He will eventually come home and we will look back on this time knowing that it made us stronger. Until then I will keep trusting in God's time.

Sweet Baby

    Our sweet baby is doing much better! He continues to require oxygen using a high flow nasal canula. 

Brooks is still trying to get over his infections. They are slowly weening him off of his pain medications, steroids, and antibiotics. When they put him on the ventilator he had to receive his food through a feeding tube. Tonight I gave him his first bottle since Saturday, February 12th. He worked very hard but was only able to drink 12 of the 60 CCs. His throat is still very sore and his coughing is pitiful. He is such a sweet baby that he rarely complains. 

   My mother stayed with him at the hospital today. She bought him a bouncy/vibrating seat. He absolutely loved hanging out in his seat. He also loves looking at his mobile while laying in his crib. It is so much fun to watch him. His blue eyes light up the room! 

   We pray that his infection clears up, his lungs continue to develop, and he grows out of the kidney reflux without requiring surgery later. Brooks has been through so much in his short life, it hurts me to imagine him going through anything else. 

   Brian and I thank you for all of the prayers and support that we have received. 

     

Great News!

Brooks is off the ventilator! They took him off at 2:30 this afternoon and put him on a high-flow nasal canula. He started off on 4 liters of oxygen at 100%. When Brian and I arrived he was down to 3 liters of oxygen at 50%.  Brooks still has a lot of mucous in his lungs. He was able to cough quite a bit. It sounded so pitiful, but he has come a long way.
  Brian and I both got to hold him. He was so cute and he loved our snuggle time! Before I left, they had moved him down to 3 liters of oxygen at 30%. Brooks acted like he felt better over the last couple of days. Well apparently he has been putting on a little show for the night shift nurses and respiratory therapist. They said that everytime they walk in he is looking at them with his bright blue eyes. All of the nurses fall in love with him because of his mild manner, cute dimples and beautiful eyes!
Thank you so much for all of the prayers! We still have a long way to go, but I know that God is in control. He has been so good to us!