Today marks three months since my precious baby, Brooks, left us to go to our heavenly home. Today has been very hard for me. Actually, this entire summer has been difficult. Please do not misunderstand me, I am so grateful that Brooks is in a better place. God, in His perfection, can provide and care for Brooks in a way that we never could. Brooks does not require tests, pricks or heel sticks any longer. That alone brings me incredible comfort. He never complained or jerked around as other babies do. I only wish that I could be so strong.
It's my own selfishness that misses him. I miss his sweet delicate touch. While I would sit feeding him, he would gently touch my face and play with my hair. There is nothing so sweet as the touch of your baby. It is so innocent, pure and filled with love. Every morning he would greet me with the brightest smile! As time passes by, this memory will never leave me. I imagine that Brooks' eyes are capturing the attention of everyone he meets in heaven. As he meets them, Brooks is flashing his beaming smile and in turn they can not help but smile back at him!
Even though I speak of my selfishness, I am not selfish enough to wish him back to this earth. As Brian's Uncle Paul said at his graveside, "Brooks has finished his work here on earth". Wow! Six and a half months old and he accomplished the task that God gave him. Some people may question that statement, but I truly believe that God has a plan for His people. Though I may not know the complete plan that Brooks had while he was here, I know he accomplished much. I never knew I could love someone so much until I meet him. My relationship with God changed in so many ways: I started talking to God constantly about everything; My faith grew to a deeper and stronger level in Christ; Brian and I grew closer in our relationship. These are just a few of the ways Brooks changed my life for the better. There are so many people that Brooks impacted with his story, his smile, his love, and his life.
Brooks impacted my life deeply and that has not changed since his passing. I continue to have a strong faith in Christ. It may be hard for some to comprehend, but I have never been angry at God for the events that occurred. Infact, I believe that Christ accepted Brooks and made a special place for him in Heaven. I have such faith in Christ that I put my life in His hands, He knows what is best for me and for Brooks. God knew that with His help I could deal with the loss. This is the toughest thing I have yet to face in my life. I continually pray for God's peace and just as He promised, He gives it to me daily.
I want to thank all you that have continued to pray for our family during this time. I know that your prayers have helped to make us stronger and give us a sense of peace. We hurt at times but our great faith in Christ helps us to make it through everyday!
Brooks, I miss you. You are and will always be "our little miracle". You gave me joy that I can not express in words. You showed me unconditional love. You never complained and you exhibited so much strength. You were perfect. The phrase, "I love you", does not begin to describe how I feel about you. One day I will laugh, dance and sing to you once again. Until that sweet day, I will never stop missing you but I will be happy for you! I love you always, Mommy
